What Is ‘Making It?’
Before I was a content creator, I was a musician. I was in a small band based out of Indy that put out three records. We toured regionally, and had friends and fans all throughout the Midwest. We brushed cheeks with a greater fate a few times. We’d done Audiotree and Daytrotter sessions. We once even had a song used to promote the 100th running of the Indianapolis 500 that aired during the Super Bowl. These were all major accomplishments and yet I was miserable and angry and jealous and stressed out. We weren’t living off our work. We couldn’t tour constantly because of stupid day jobs. We weren’t ‘MAKING IT’!
I say all this as if I’m not in some small part the same person. I’ve seen a lot of successes for a channel my size, we’ve raised a lot of money for charity, cultivated a kind community and enjoy making the work that I’m doing now. I’m not miserable. I’m actually quite happy with where things are going creatively, but sometimes happiness doesn’t pay enough bills. Sometimes I don’t hit CCVs I used to and I get frustrated with my limitations.
Only two months ago I started a new job writing and teaching tech courses for the library. 40 hours, good benefits and a definite pay increase from the 20 hour customer service level position I held within the same organization. And yet I mourned.
My biggest fear transitioning to this new schedule was that I wouldn’t have time to make content or stream as regularly as I wanted to. With the 20 hour position, I had a LOT of freedom to sit down and make stuff, or play games to have context when talking about them. That was good when I was able to focus at the task at hand, but some weeks anxiety would grab hold and cause me to spiral. I’d then procrastinate and feel like a failure for not getting done what I had hoped to achieve.
If I took this job wasn’t I failing a dream of making content full time? Was this the end of my community and relationships that I’d spent the last 8 years creating and cultivating? The answer has been “no” so far and I think that “no” will persist for quite some time to come.
The goal for me is still the same, I want to make content full time but I don’t have the same freedom I did prior. That constraint has yielded some interesting results so far. I have to be more deliberate, dedicated and disciplined to make it happen in the time I do have outside of this new position. That has been a huge growing pain. I do what I can, when I can and I’m having to adjust my mindset accordingly. The brass ring is still there, I just have to take a different route to attaining it now.
Right now, making it for me is putting out a podcast, a blog post and a video each week until I can find the time to do more. Sometimes I make it, sometimes I don’t but I’m not beating myself up as hard as I used to and trying not to burn that candle at both ends.
